tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post6618211363963268845..comments2023-12-02T07:58:54.977-05:00Comments on The Honesty Conspiracy: Gambling it all for loveThe Honesty Conspiracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16767477224057479965noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post-9999256249002641112011-11-22T11:01:26.894-05:002011-11-22T11:01:26.894-05:00Glad you are finding clarity, dearest one, and gla...Glad you are finding clarity, dearest one, and glad that putting your thoughts into words has helped move you towards clarity and action.<br /><br />I am here for you xDarinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07650374145009772524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post-71914229915430156162011-11-15T02:02:08.605-05:002011-11-15T02:02:08.605-05:00Firstly to Mona and Mother Funker..... Thank you.....Firstly to Mona and Mother Funker..... Thank you.... I really have gained strength from writing this and reading your replies. I have not let the cracks be pasted over. I have told him to go. Just getting him out is going to be the hard bit so I have decided to look for somewhere else to live. I am determined, I am feeling strong.<br /><br />To Anonymous... no i am not alone, and neither are you. It wouldn't have mattered if the whole world had shouted at me to leave him a few years ago. I wasn't ready and it feel easier to stay. But actually now I am in the thick of it, I think that the hard bit is breaking their heart when we say we are leaving and then sorting out the money. But I am holding on to the long term picture and realising that if my daughter married a man like him I would be devastated. If it is not good enough for her then why is it good enough for me. Big hugs and lots of lots of strength coming your way. xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post-88283717067858116492011-11-14T20:18:26.818-05:002011-11-14T20:18:26.818-05:00You're not alone - I just wanted you to know t...You're not alone - I just wanted you to know that. I have the same thing going on, but with drugs. Not street stuff - prescriptions that doctors have written - he's managed to figure out what symptoms he needs to show them to get the pills he wants. I was two days away from moving myself and the kids to a homeless shelter. I just couldn't stand the selfishness that he is exhibiting. He's not mean to us, but treating us like we don't matter to him is just as bad, IMO.<br /><br />Anyway, I told him we were leaving. The next day he swore to get rid of the pills. As he had done a zillion times over the past few years. He's been better, but I am afraid to relax and trust that things are really OK. I've trusted him so many times that there just isn't any left in me. <br /><br />But, as the "cracks are pasted over" right now, it's easier to stay...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post-57724966319848702192011-11-14T15:01:30.718-05:002011-11-14T15:01:30.718-05:00I feel your pain and I am so sorry for you that th...I feel your pain and I am so sorry for you that this relationship is not giving you what you need and deserve. You have been a saint to try so so hard with this man whom you have deeply loved.<br /><br />I think if your relationship is to survive, your husband needs to understand precisely what he would be missing if you left. And the only way to do this is to leave him - physically distancing you and your children from him, making a clean break would force him into having to really think about his life in a way that staying with him will not allow. He needs a shock, a jolt. He needs to lose it all if he wants to gain you back. He may or may not be able to rise to such a challenge. If he cannot, this would be a decision you both made with a clear head, with eyes wide open. If he decides he really wants to save your marriage, he must equally choose path for himself. Either way, what you both lack right now is a sense of empowerment, self respect, respect for each other. You need to present him with this choice - but I think you need to separate first and he needs to earn his right to come back by meeting a very specific set of criteria. If you give him an ultimatum whilst still living in the same house you are not showing him the strength of your conviction, nor your resolve to really turn everything around.<br /><br />There is a chance you could find love again with a very sweet man, who will treat you nicely. Maybe this won't happen straight away, maybe not for a few years, but you can give yourself some love, and you can draw on the love of others in your life.<br /><br />You will need lots of strength and support from friends, and if you don't have too many girlfriends right now you can gain enormous support online. There are many many friendship circles of various kinds online and if you need to offload, I would personally help and be a pen friend if you need someone to talk to who is impartial and not involved in the situation emotionally. <br /><br />Spend extra time investing in friendships with other women and if you can, get involved in good causes. It will give you a positive focus and source of strength and inspiration in the absence of your man. If you need to get a job to pay the bills on your own, then if at all possible, find some work that brings you joy over big wages, that is socially positive, where you can heal in a nice environment of kind positive people. Nurture the children's friendships so they can get support from outside the family too, and if you can call in favours in the form of sleepovers and so on, then encourage this as much as you can.<br /><br />You are strong enough to do this. You always were. You just never knew it till now. Don't settle for this bullshit. You deserve better and so do your kids.<br /><br />Much much much love dear brave beautiful soul.<br /><br />XXXMotherfunkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10809370449833738968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-178485580246160622.post-43863085500554491482011-11-14T06:36:43.547-05:002011-11-14T06:36:43.547-05:00You have been so strong, so focused on the positiv...You have been so strong, so focused on the positive and getting through all the hurdles in your life with your husband. I think you should continue to be strong, for the sake of yourself and your children- and find a better life. Leaving him may not be amicable, but I think deep down, you may have known that this would happen for some time. When they are all grown up and ask about it, you will be able to look your kids in the eye and say "I tried... I tried so very hard". You are a strong person, powerful and determined. Harness that strength and go out there and find the happiness you and your kids deserve. My thoughts and prayers are with you.Monanoreply@blogger.com