Waiting to come - a personal history of orgasms

My husband and I were each others first lovers thirteen years ago. We were nervous and clumsy. I hated my body and thought myself fat and ugly. I had never had an orgasm.

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It was with him that I had my first orgasm with his beautifully gentle tongue. But never through intercourse. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't - surely every one did and could. I remember talking about sex at school with friends. Before I had ever "done it" and they talked about coming together - having orgasms together. This is what you see in the movies, so that's what happens, right? When I was twelve I was called frigid by a boy who wanted to put his arm round me and I said no. He must have been right - I was frigid.

My husband-to-be kindly gifted me with my first vibrator. With that I learnt to create beautiful orgasms for myself. And then I learnt to do it for myself without any electronic aids, that was a really proud achievement. But still I "couldn't" do it with him. I did a lot of reading - according to the research a large percentage of women cannot orgasm during intercourse, it is not unusual at all.

Our sex life became tense - I felt under pressure, he felt under pressure. And then I just gave up. And almost gave up on sex all together. It wasn't how I wanted it to be. He didn't get what I needed, he couldn't hear me.

My first child's birth was orgasmic, quite unexpected. But between that birth and the next nearly three years later he just seemed to give up. His tongue never came to visit any more. Sex was boring. He did it to my body, not to me. It was perfunctory, not pleasurable or personal.

And then after the birth of my second child, I felt under pressure to perform my services very soon afterwards. Just ten days after birth. I felt cross that I was under pressure. But he was so gentle, so loving, he made love to me, the whole of me, every part of my body. And my womb, remembering the pulses of birth, began to throb, and waves of pleasure came over me. After nine years of sex with him, I orgasemed with him inside me. I sobbed with pleasure.

It didn't happen again until after the next birth. Almost two years later. Again ten days after birth. Again a ground shaking orgasm. And since then it is a regular occurrence.

I am so excited about our sex life now. After three children it is the best it has ever been. We know each other. We are closer. There is a level of trust, openness, and connection from having gone through three births together. Nothing is hidden or shameful. Through the ups and downs of parenthood and mental fragility we have found each other physically. This is not how people tell you that it is. You are "supposed" to know how to have orgasms naturally. You are supposed to have hot sex in your teens and early twenties. Your sex life is supposed to get worse over the years of marriage. It is supposed to decline after babies, stretched vaginas and saggy boobs. But this is not true, not for me. And I am so happy for that.


If this is a topic of interest for you, get your hands on a copy of The Hite Report by Shere Hite. It reports the research of thousands of women talking about their sex lives - women young and old, straight, gay, mothers and not.